can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
