there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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