I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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