the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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