whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
