booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
