I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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