nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My vagina just clenched in fear
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
