Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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