porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
well you can't waste a boner
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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