I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
