Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
