you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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