make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
