they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
