I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
