Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
