in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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