Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
