the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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