Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
