She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize