I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
