He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize