My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
