I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
