She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
