Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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