Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have post one night stand depression
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize