She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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