What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize