you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize