fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I party with great urgency now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
