this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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