I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize