my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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