It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
