Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
