sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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