im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
