I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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