I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
