I hate your face
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
