pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
