You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
