did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
