So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
