too bad you live with your parents still
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
