The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
