all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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