fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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