ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
