The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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