at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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