I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
