I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
