Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
