Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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