so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
