I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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