I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
