Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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