He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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