Got a toothbrush?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
