honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
