Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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