i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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