I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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