So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
