so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
