my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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