I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
